Who Would Ever Do This?

Chris Norris-Jones

It's been three years since Chris thought it'd be a good idea to play a lot of Metal Gear. Now it haunts his dreams.

If you could imagine a Mother Hen of the Metal Gear Marathon crew, it's probably Chris, in that he tries to slow them down when they begin "fostering their destructive impulses." Or, in other words, when they get into the gin. 

In his real life, Chris is a freelance writer, a part-time computer person, and a full-time student whose trying to become an even greater computer person. In his spare time he enjoys planning horrible events to subject his friends to. He drinks, but he swears only socially.

He has a tattoo that says 'Metal Gear!?' on his butt, which he believes not only proves his dedication to the cause but can also be used to prove he's mentally unfit to serve in any military, para- or regular.

He has a website, chrisnorrisjones.com, and he's got a twitter too but he's kinda trying to get away from that because all it does is make him sad. This year he'll be playing Metal Gear Solid 2, Metal Gear, and the greatest game in Metal Gear history: Metal Gear 2: Snake's Revenge, because he's the only one on the team strong enough to handle its potency..


Bill McDonnell

Bill is doing this God forsaken marathon again.

He is one of the progenitors of the marathon, having conceived the idea after spending a weekend in December of 2013 recording a Let’s Play of Earthbound with Norris, and explaining Middle Earth Mythos at length while drinking cheap beer and rum. Now, 4 winters older and staring down the gun barrel at 30, he mostly uses the event as a way to really lean in to gin as breakfast.

Bill will kick us off again this year with Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, acting as the surly pace car for the marathons tone thereafter. He has been relieved of his duties on Snake’s Revenge after proving to be an utter failure at it, but is excited to sink his teeth into Metal Gear Acid again, hopefully finishing in fewer than the 23 hours it took him last year.

In his regular life Bill is an Education Technology Specialist, which is an awful fancy way to say “Turns things on and off, but in a school”. Having worked in education for several years now he lives in constant fear that this marathon, being explicitly for the kids, will ruin his career prospects. His primary hobbies are cheap beer, pizza, and punk rock. Given any life aesthetic it would be a Mean Jeans video. Last year he spent a few hours story-time reading erotic fan-fiction on the stream after Chris went to bed.

He is a prime example of the self-destructive impulse.


Kelly Wright

Like when the beautiful baby boy Raiden pulled himself up after getting his arms cut off, Kelly has returned to the fray for another marathon.

Last year he passed out during Phantom Pain leaving Carter alone to bring the legend back to life by himself. This year he’ll be abandoning Carter early, and instead will be taking on the mantle of Peace Walker, Revengeance, and for the first year ever: Metal Gear Mobile. That’s right, this year you get to enjoy watching Kelly look down at a tiny phone cursing once in awhile.

Will this be the year that Kelly loses his naive whimsy? Will the weight of drinking and playing games finally destroy him? Or will the excitement of raising money for kids keep his spirits high? Let’s find out.


Erik Tetreault

...What am I fighting for? What are you fighting for? If we make it through this I'll tell you.

Up from his nap Erik is ready for this year's week-long battle against hangover, lack of sleep, and convoluted storylines only seven deranged people can make sense of. At least make the attempt.

Erik is super excited to go head to head in a battle against Mike Parker to see who can finish their version of Metal Gear Solid. Day to day Erik works for a small video game merch company, trying to quick travel the country in a cardboard box. Working conventions all over or at headquarters doing a multitude of tasks. Or hiding in a box drinking cheap beer training for the next Metal Gear Marathon!

No matter how we talk about this marathon possibly killing us or the toll it take on our frail human bodies, we will never stop because of what it means to us, drinking and playing games with friends for a week. Really that is how it started but year after year, I think I can speak for the rest of the guys, that it means more and more beyond that. We've been able to raise so much money for an amazing cause, to meet and reach out to great people, and to come together around the holiday. I for one hope that this will continue for many years to come, growing ever larger and supporting charities like Child's Play. That is what I am fighting for!


Mike Parker

Wait, I have to write a bio? Tonight? 

What do you mean you told me about this weeks ago? I don't know, make something up about how I totally do other things with my life besides play Metal Gear games. I mean, I don't, but the *public* doesn't need to know about that.

Also, whatever you do, don't mention the pepper incident from last year's marathon, which firmly divides my life into a "before" and "after."

Mike Carter

Carter is back and ready for more action.

Last year, he consumed an unholy amount of the world's second hottest pepper which in a brutal upset is now the world's 4th hottest pepper. Not to be out done he has purchased 2 bottles of "the last dab" made with Pepper X raking in at 3.18 million scoville and will use them liberally for donation incentives ( if the sauces arrive before the marathon).

Similar to last year he is helming: Ground Zeroes, Phantom Pain, Acid 2, and so that Chris doesn't die of 2D Metal Gear overload he is picking up Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake. 


Paul Mazdoff

Paul is the newest degenerate to join the Metal Gear Marathon crew. making that another member from south of the Canadian border.

Previous years he lurked in the Twitch chat moderating and providing friendly reminders of hourly prize drawings when everyone on stream was too delirious and drunk to remember. He also helped create the Twitch bot in chat and provides a voice on the social media accounts.

This year, he is excited to be joining the crew in person and indulging in nonsensical conversations and abundant alcohol consumption with everyone.