Who Would Ever Do This?

Chris Norris-Jones

It’s been five long years.

Before this marathon began he was but a boy. He hadn’t gotten the words ‘Metal Gear’ tattooed on his butt. He hadn’t eaten one of the world’s hottest peppers. Or a raw onion for that matter. He also hadn’t helped to raise nearly $20,000 for Child’s Play. But things change. 

Chris is one of the forefathers of the Metal Gear Marathon. Years ago he said in idle conversation “what if we played a whole bunch of Metal Gear?” That thought has since gone on to ruin his life. But it’s also ruined his friends’ lives, so at least it’s been a bonding experience.

Chris retains ownership of playing Metal Gear Solid 2, in part because he now believes that it’s the game that has predicted the timeline we now live in. He’ll also drink a lot of beer and make sure that things don’t fall apart. With varying degrees of success.

 

Bill McDonnell

Bill died during last years marathon after playing Metal Gear Acid for 27 straight hours. He is a ghost now and can only return to this plane through the yearly ritual that is The Metal Gear Marathon.

He is one of the progenitors of the marathon, having jointly conceived the idea after spending a weekend in December of 2013 recording a Let’s Play of Earthbound with Norris, and explaining Middle Earth mythos at length while drinking cheap beer and rum. Now, 5 winters later, Bill seeks to once and for all prove that breakfast gin is not just a nootropic but also makes you more virile and is morally justified because he's doing it for the kids.

Bill will kick us off again this year with Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, acting as the surly pace car for the marathon’s tone thereafter. This year he hopes to actually remember playing its second half, which he somehow finished in roughly appropriate time last marathon despite being largely blacked out.

In his regular life Bill is an IT Specialist for an education company who has been described by a co-worker as “shockingly pleasant”. Having worked in education for several years now he lives in constant fear that this marathon, despite being explicitly for the kids, will ruin his career prospects. His primary hobbies are cheap beer, pizza, and punk rock. Given any life aesthetic it would be an overflowing ashtray in a bar. He is a prime example of the self-destructive impulse.

 

Kelly Wright

Since last year's marathon Kelly has become one of those cliche YouTube personalities and would like to remind you to like, favorite, subscribe, smash that bell, share that link, and all the other things that define his self worth in this cruel world of ours.

He's passing on the Zandatsu blade to Dave this year, with a heavy heart. He hopes that Dave will love and take care of the young, and impressionable, child Raiden. Instead, Kelly is grabbing a hammer and nails to build Mother Base with his partner Char, in Peace Walker.

Additionally, for the second year, he's whipping out his heavily modified phone to play Metal Gear Mobile. He really identifies with something so sweet, short, and forgettable.

Kelly would again like to remind you to smash that subscribe button... Please.

 

Charlene Bayer

After becoming chat famous in 2016, and crashing the marathon in 2017, Char has finally managed to crawl her way to the top and become an actual participant of The Metal Gear Marathon in 2018. A champion of all things spicy, last year she managed to destroy some pretty hot peppers without breaking a sweat. She looks forward to doing it again. Char is thrilled to be back this year, and hopes to break every fundraising record to date…By any means necessary!

This year Char will be stickin’ by her man, playing Metal Gear Solid: Peacewalker with Kelly! A largely aesthetic role at this point, since Kelly can basically play that game blindfolded, but she’ll worry about being a burden the entire time nonetheless.

In her real life, Char is a musical theatre performer and film/tv/voice actor, with her latest booking being voicing players of the Canadian and USA women’s teams of FIFA 19! When she’s not on stage or in front of the camera, she works hard at creating content with Super Hopped-Up, as well as being a freelance writer and professional horror movie binger/couch potato.

If you want to follow Char on social media, she has worked hard at making everything @charlenebayer for your obvious convenience. You can also check out her website, charlenebayer.com, to find out all about her acting endeavors.

Erik Tetreault

Since the last marathon Erik has sequestered himself in the far north raising sled dogs for the Iditarod.

Well, not actually. He’s not that far north and is only raising a German Shepherd named Freki that does not currently have it in her for that long of a race. Now an old man, Erik is celebrating an iconic birthday milestone this year in his family country of Norway, where he will finally became a true Viking and be given a proper sword by those closest to him!

Erik mostly travels for work going to various gaming/comic/anime shows selling some awesome merch. When not traveling he hides in any box at the office to keep that Metal Gear feeling going all year. If you frequent nerdy conventions you may be able to find him. Buy him a beer.

Last year was the first year the marathon tried to race the two MGS titles, the original and Twin Snakes. Knowing that the original is the obvious choice to back, Erik proved that Twin Snakes cannot hold a candle to it and won soundly. With this year’s rematch on the horizon, can he do it again? Or will this year be the year of the Twin... Snakes..?

 

Mike Parker

Mike has been a part of the Metal Gear Marathon for longer than he cares to remember. During all that time he has learned three important things:

  1. Team Chaos are not to be trusted. Team Order are no better. Only through accepting the guiding words of the infallible prophets of Team Prime Number can the way forward be truly shown.

  2. Spicy peppers may hurt on the way in, but that is nothing compared to the punishment they inflict on the way out.

  3. If you truly want to see what man’s spirit is made of, force him to play a card game based off of a stealth action video game franchise from start to finish, even if that takes him longer than a calendar day.

This year Mike will be trying to bury his onion and caffeine-related demons of the past, and is looking forward to bringing home a win for the Twin Snakes in the highly anticipated rematch of the Metal Gear Solid 1 race.

Steph Fan

The first time Steph had ever heard of the Metal Gear Marathon was on a first date in 2015. Two years later, in a baffling chain of events, she hard about the marathon on another first date. Some would find this odd. Stephanie would take this as a sign that she could not escape from crossing fate.

If anyone had stopped her on her way to meeting either of these nerds and warned her that there would come a day when she would be directly involved, nay, enthusiastically participating in the multi-day stunt-eating charity video game festival, she would have kept walking and pretended to receive a phone call. Which is the strategy she also employs to escape canvassers.

This year she is both terrified and thrilled to be part of the first ever co-ed marathon. Though her only experience playing anything from the Metal Gear franchise is her dad’s copy of MGS once on a CRT television for about 30 minutes, she is excited to play, drink, or eat anything tossed her way. She also hopes not to almost send Mike to the hospital this year.

David Alexander

Dave comes from the land of the ice and snow and the hot springs, well, ... no. Dave’s early inspiration in life was his father who gave up an eye for wisdom and kept close company with birds. Dave hopes one day to cross the rainbow bridge so he can do battle with the Fenris wolf before succumbing to poison at the start of the thousand year winter.

Dave was a participant in the inaugural Metal Gear Marathon several years ago where he missed the second disc of MGS1 for alcohol related reasons. While he is a bit nervous to eat anything spicier than a Reese’s cup, he is very happy to be playing Metal Gear Revengeance on stream for the pleasure of viewers and of course to support all the little Enfant Terribles we raise money for.

Dave is also happy to provide more blonde and ginger visibility on the marathon. Under no circumstances are you to refer to Dave as a Swede, Laplander, Cossack, Finn, Tatar or Karelian. Just don’t.

Mike Carter

Carter will be unable to make it in this year, as he is a busy adult doing busy adult things. But he will be with us in spirit and likely also in the stream.

 

Paul Mazdoff

Paul is another American degenerate to join the Metal Gear Marathon crew. Previous years he lurked in the Twitch chat moderating and providing friendly reminders of hourly prize drawings when everyone on stream was too delirious and drunk to remember. He also helped create the Twitch bot in chat and provides a voice on the social media accounts.